Size 38

So the size that I thought would fit me was a bit to large thank god. I thought I had ballooned into a size 42... but thankfully I'm still a size 36. And I'm wearing a size 38 just in case I get bigger and have to buy another pair or two of pants... sheesh!!! As if growing fat wasn't cumbersome enough, now I've got to deal with this too.

My Mom's already on the warpath again. Told me that if I put on any more weight then I'm going to have to take care of my self. She won't be responsible. I've got the message... I've already started going for my daily morning walks regularly, and I've started to skip my afternoon meals.

Now the only thing that I've got to deal with are those evening stints I take for some relaxation in the evenings hours. I don't know why I do it, but I just have to go... everyday. I'm hoping now that I don't have the money that'll put an end to it too.

I get around a thousand bucks (that's around 10 dollars) of allowance per month, and I get to spend it any way I want. What I am hoping is that this will have some kind of a positive influence on me, make me want to be a little bit more careful with money, and not the other way around.

So that's what I'm fighting with these days. That, and the exams which will be coming up next year in May most probably. My Dad's got all his hopes pinned on this so I really do hope that I make it this time. I'm a High school drop out. Thought, hey, I don't need this--I can do without it--only to learn fifteen years later what a complete ass I was.

To-day

Don’t you just hate it when you’re thinking so hard to remember what you did the other day and you can’t, especially since you’ve told yourself that you’re going to remember some particular incident from that time… I’m a complete blank for some reason, can’t remember what I wanted to say. No matter how hard I try…

Told my parents that I’m really going to give the exams next year. Said the same thing this year and chickened out at the last minute. If it’s one fear that I have it’s about giving exams. I don’t know since when I’ve got it. I think it was my dad’s doing. He was never happy with what I got, always saying that this was where I needed to improve in, or that.

And that’s what sort of created a wedge between us. Started when I was in School. Dropped out at the age of 16 figuring that education was something I could do without, that I didn’t need to sit in a classroom with students in order to learn something. How wrong I was, because you don’t go to school or college just to learn bookish knowledge.

There’s a hell of a lot else that you get to learn from there, and it’s all that that I didn’t get to learn by not being there. My social skills are pathetic, and that’s something that’s really taken a beating in my case. The way to behave with people, and how and what sort of interactions you should have with people.

Zilch. Totally, completely. I hope I can dig myself out of this grave that I’ve created. And help myself out fast. It’s already been 15 years since my tenth class, and the last exam that I gave. 15 years, seems like eons ago.

Avatar

Finally went to see it the other day. Didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would, but the scenery that they showed in the film was great. Especially those mountains that they had attached to each other by vines. They were really something else... not to mention the water fall that it had. Where do they get this stuff from. Okay, I have a pretty wild imagination, but that even blew my mind away.

So we saw the movie at the Inox movie theatre at GVK one mall. We weren't able to get tickets for the 3D showing so had to make do with the 2D one. As long as we were getting seats to go and see the movie, who cares, right. There was loads of rush on our way to the theatre, some school was having its annual day function, and the streets were jammed with cars.

Thankfully it wasn't like that for too long and I was able to get us out of there in time. We reached the theatre, parked the car and went straight to the screen where our movie was playing, and by the time we took our seats the movie was starting. Whew, just in time.

My mom had said that she would bring a couple of chocolates for us to munch on while we were there, you can't bring any eatables in the theatre from home, so it's a good thing that my mom has a large purse because she was able to put the candy in one of her many compartments and no one knew any better.

So I ended up getting two Twix bars, a Hershey's bar and a couple of chocolate kisses. But even that wasn't enough for me, because, the minute my mom gave me the candy, I was busy gulping it away, looking forward to what I'd have in the break time. (I was feeling a little embarrassed that instead of keeping my attention on the movie, my head was stuck on food!)

So in the break time I got up and took some money from my mom, about a hundred bucks, and went out to get a serving of Nachos and coke. (The tray in which they serve it seems deception-ally small, because when you sit down to have it, man, you're having those chips for like ever.

Anyway, dish over, and I was finally able to enjoy the last few scenes of the film. The climax was good, just because of all of the scenery that they had, and the wild life. I loved those dinosaur type Rhino creatures. And the Horses, and not to mention those Pterodactyl type birds. :)

PVR Cinemas

Hyderabad Central

That's where I went today. My first trip alone... my first major trip alone after the accident. I was involved in a hit and run last year that almost ended up killing me. That's why my parents are so concerned that I don't go out alone. Which means always having to go out with an escort.

It's not that I mind, I actually enjoy the time that I get to spend with my mom, the only problem is that they have to know each and every single moment of where I'm going and why. It's not that I can take the car and go out just because I feel like it, or go where ever just because I want to, no explanations necessary, and no need in having to go into the third degree every time that that happens. Oh, how I hate that.

And I bet the person going with me hates it too. That's why I was so happy in taking the car out today. It was just me and the open road, clogged with a lot of traffic alright, but at least it was there, and I was alone to enjoy it.

I actually drive better alone, not that nervous as I am when there's someone with me, when it's supposed to be the other way around when you think about it. Alone, I have no one to turn to protect me if I get into a scrape, but when I'm with some one I always have that person to cling onto. So, I drive like a maniac, alright, maybe not like a maniac, but no where as close to how carefully I drive when there's no one to protect me.

So anyway, today I thought I'd go and book three tickets for Avatar, for my mom, my sis and my self. The tickets are a bit steep for buying them in 3D, and besides--I don't think it'll be worth it (I hope I'm right) but if it is as good as they're saying it is, then I'll probably go for a second showing, and this time in 3D.

Anyway, I took the car out today, boy was it messy (hadn't been washed since Friday) and made my way to the theater. It's quite close by to where I live, maybe a 5 or 10 minute drive, max, and there was not much traffic on the road too. So I get to the Mall, where the theater's located and I find a good parking place.

I park the car in the -1 floor parking and I make my way towards the entry, only to find the guy who's standing there at the door telling me that the mall's not open yet, What, at 11:30 in the morning? I ask him how long will it be, and he says just another couple of minutes.

Okay I say. Well, is the entry from the other side for the theater box office open, I only want to buy a couple of tickets. Yeah, he said sure--you can go to the other side for that, so I make my way to the front of the mall for PVR Cinemas, with my leg hanging in there while I walk the whole way to the other side of the mall. I walk very slowly because of the injury to my leg. The accident that I suffered had shattered my left leg and given me a blood clot in my head.

Other side reached and I told the lady sitting in the Box office window what I wanted, and she said No, she couldn't do that. They hadn't started giving tickets for the day that I'd wanted (Thursday). Or rather they did, but only up till the 4 o'clock show. I said hold on, I'd just call up my mom and check with her.

I'd just called her up earlier to tell her that I'd reached the Mall safely and she was worried to hear my voice again. I told her the problem I was facing and asked her what to do. She said we couldn't go earlier because of the exam that my sister would be writing, and so she told me to see what I could do.

My talk with mom over, I asked the lady if she could make an exception in my case, sure to use her name and smile as pleasingly as I could. She looked at me and said, okay, she'd give me the ticket, but then she said some stuff of how I would have to go about collecting the ticket which I didn't understand, so gave up on the idea.

What did I do next, well, head for home.

Bipolarity

My doctor calls it a mood disorder. That’s a nice way to put it. It’s called a Bipolar mood disorder. That means you jump from phase to phase. Sometimes high, sometimes low. Manic depressive mood disorder is another name for it. Manic for the up phases and Depressive for the down phases.

She says it’s not very rare to see people like me suffering from the disease. And before I met her I thought I was the only one. I’ve been Bipolar for almost fifteen years now, that’s almost half my life, and I’m still stuck with this thing. My dad’s planning to take me to a hakeem soon. They’re sort of like Islamic witch doctors.

I’m not so sure of going or not, at least not this time, and he’s also ready to give me another week to acclimatize myself to the idea of going. It’s no big deal, but I just don’t want to be under the pressure to show some sort of results again. You know what I mean.

My dad’s pretty sure that this doctor will show some results, and that’s what I’m afraid of. Who knows, it’ll be better than I expect, but it’ll be torture if things don’t go as planned. We have to go all the way to a place called Ambarpet—it’s quite far away from where we live. The doctor sees patients only over there.

A friend of my father’s agreed to take us there. He was supposed to meet my father in the mosque this afternoon, but my father had to come back home early so that he could have his lunch. (My dad’s diabetic and he’s supposed to eat on time.) The friend showed up at our house this afternoon to meet my father but he was asleep at the time, so he left him a message to meet him today after the afternoon prayers.

If all goes according to my dad’s plans, looks like we’ll be headed there this coming Sunday.

The newspaper boy

He delivers newspapers to my house every day. Took him forever to start though. At first I was approached by the guy who sells the subscription offer of having it delivered to your house at no extra cost, actually at less the cost then it takes to come all the way from your house to the store. Half the price, so, hey—I’m happy.

I avoided him at first, then after giving him the freeze for the first few times I thought hey, let’s just hear what the guy has to say. And after hearing what a great offer they had going it was hard to refuse. So I bought it, and he promised me that the papers would start being distributed by the beginning of December. Great I said, only problem was that I’d be out of town from the beginning of next month.

No problem. I knew the guy who was going to be making the drops to my place so I at least knew who I had to catch if the papers didn’t turn up like they were supposed to. And, add to that, I knew the guy’s name who sold me the subscription and I had a number where I could get in touch with him. No problem right, right.

Wrong! Big mistake. If you ever have a choice of getting your paper delivered to you by someone who you have had never deliver to you, it’s better to take a pass then to get stuck up in the mess that I just did. Especially if he’s a guy who you happen to be friends with and you don’t want to come off as standoffish. And especially if you’re the type of guy who happens to be a people pleaser. Ooh boy.

Anyway, long story short, while I’m out of town and the subscription date passes by, I find out that the guy who’s supposed to be delivering the paper isn’t doing so, I get upset, and then decide to give him a dressing down. Not only has it not come for the first of December, but it hasn’t come for the following days as well.

Now I’m steamed. The first day that I come, I reach home by noon. I rest for awhile, take care of all of my clothes, get dressed and then I’m out the house. I first head for the paper guy and he’s not there. His mom is. I tell her that I’ve bought a subscription for this paper from her store and that her son is supposed to deliver it to my house and show her the receipt. She looks at it, takes a paper from the bundles she’s got and say’s her son will deliver the paper from tomorrow onwards.

That was the first day. Second day, I’m waiting for the morning paper again, and it doesn’t show up. I put on my slippers and I’m walking out to his booth again. It’s quite close by, like a 2 minute walk from my place. He’s not there, again. Mom’s there, and she sees me and tells me that her son was just about to come.

Oh oh, what looks like an accident is turning out to be some kind of a plot to steal the subscription away from me I fear. No worries, we’ll see what happens the next day. Next day, same thing happens again and this time I’m mad. I make up my mind to give the lady a piece of my mind if I see her again, but it’s not her this time, it’s her son sitting in her spot.

Relieved I go and tell him that he’s supposed to deliver my paper from now on and that he was supposed to start from the first of this month, but it had already been the 13th. The guy apologizes and gives me the paper and tells me that he’ll be delivering it from tomorrow. I take the day’s paper and go home.

Today comes and there’s still no paper. I don’t know what to do. I want to go and bash the guy for cheating me into this horrible stint. I tell my mother to yell at him if she happens to see him but she’s too busy unpacking her clothes as she’s just returned from her trip. I go to my room and lie down and feel myself going into another depressive episode again. I’m bipolar.

Fifth day, and just when I had given hope—thwak—I hear the newspaper sounding after falling on the ground. I go outside and am greeted by the day’s paper. A couple of hours late, yeah, sure, but at least it’s here. Of course, that is one of the drawbacks. I can’t read the paper early in the morning. I have to wait until it’s delivered to me.

Vikram Singh

An unassuming young fellow when you see him at first. He’s the guy who stands outside my local bakery with his fruit cart, ready to blend fruit-juices for anyone who wants. Mango, apple, orange, watermelon, chico (Sapota)—you name it—he blends it, even plans to add Strawberries to the mix someday.

Anyway, while I was there yesterday, explaining to him how I had only one vice to bear, and that’s eating junk food like chikki, and snorting hordes and hordes of Coke (that’s Coca Cola mind you, not the other Coke), he jokingly smiled at me and pulled up a chair and decided to spend some time chit-chatting, while business was a little slow.

And here I thought he was only some guy with a fruit-cart, making juices for anyone who wanted… I tell you, I wouldn’t have given him a second thought if I didn’t know any better, and I didn’t, but there’s more (much more) than meets the eye to Mr. Vikram.

He’s from Jharkhand, a newly carved out state in eastern India. I thought good, there’s something to talk about. I’d always wanted to talk to the guy, and find out what it was that makes a person want to become a fruit-juice seller like him. So, Mr. Singh proceeded to sit down and tell me about his life, and I proceeded to listen.

When he was in his seventh or eighth class, his father died. Killed more like it. Murdered by some goons while Vikram and his family were away, attending a wedding, out of town. They tried to catch the culprits who were responsible for the crime, but the only thing that it got them was Vikram being arrested for the murder and being sent to jail where he had to spend four years before he was set free.

And the goons, what happened to them? Well, they had “connections”, Political connections, so no jail time for them. Anyway, after things cooled down a bit, Vikram, his mom, brother and sister decided to get out of the place as soon as possible.

Which brought them to where I live, Hyderabad. They stay in a place called JD Methla, which is about an hour’s drive away from the city by bus. Him, his elder brother, younger sister and his mom. He had a friend who was staying here who taught him the fruit-juice trade. And after a false start here and there, he’s finally learnt his trade.

So, the day starts for him early in the morning, getting up, taking a bath and getting ready for work, and making the commute to the bakery where he runs his stand, and then spending the entire day there, and then closing his shop at night time and making the long journey back home again.

But he loves it. He says he loves his work. He works for 15 hours a day, and is on the road travelling the other three, which gives him about 6 hours to sleep, and even that’s too much for him. Water, water he says "water is the only thing I need". 20 liters of water a day. Food he can do without, but water is something he absolutely needs.

So that’s the story about Vikram. What does he want from his life??? Oh, just one thing… to earn lots and lots of cash so that he can get his sister married someday. He’s 18 right now, so he figures he has loads of time. His sister’s still in School, and his elder brother’s always there.